Wedding or Surgery: A Mother's Conflict

A heart-warming story of tough choices and family strength; of a mother's heartbreaking decision to choose between life-saving surgery and attending her daughter's wedding.

A few weeks before my daughter's wedding, I picked up my dress from the alterations shop. A breathtaking, floor-length gown in a regal shade of purple, it perfectly complemented the joyous occasion ahead.

For the past four months, I had been immersed in the whirlwind of wedding planning—from scouting the dream venue to helping her choose her perfect dress, and every detail in between. These were moments I would cherish forever. My firstborn was marrying the love of her life. Her fiancé, a kind and remarkable young man.

Though she lives 967 miles away, the anticipation was palpable. My tickets were booked, and my hotel reservations confirmed. The countdown had begun.

Then my phone rang. The caller ID displayed: "Vanderbilt Medical Center." I picked up, not thinking much of it. The voice on the other end changed everything.

I was officially on the kidney transplant list.

Disbelief, joy, gratitude, excitement, and fear swept over me all at once. I had been waiting for this moment for seven long years. This was my third attempt to get placed on the kidney transplant list at Vanderbilt.

How Did I Get Here?

At just 15, a life-altering diagnosis of polycystic kidney disease cast a long shadow over my future. My kidneys were now riddled with countless cysts, beginning a slow decline. Seven years ago, the grim reality of stage five kidney disease loomed large. A transplant or dialysis became the only options to keep me alive.

In an effort to avoid the inevitable, I sought a kidney transplant before dialysis became necessary. Twice, hope was dashed by rejection,due to underlying health conditions.

Six long years of dialysis, constant pain, and invasive treatments, countless surgeries, and large needles. The past six years have been a relentless, grueling battle. Each day was a precarious tightrope walk, a constant gamble with life and death. Yet, despite the immense physical and emotional toll, I am profoundly grateful for the precious gift of life it has afforded me.

A relentless cycle of treatments, both in the sterile clinic and the sanctuary of my home, became my lifeline. The constant fear of missing a single treatment, of succumbing to the disease's relentless grip, was a heavy burden to bear. Yet, amidst the hardship, I discovered a strength and resilience I never knew I possessed.

Every day was a conscious choice to live. While others wake up to life effortlessly, I had to work for it. My three children, especially my youngest, who was just a kindergartener when my health took a turn, were my unwavering source of strength.

I vividly recall picking him up from school after dialysis, my body heavy with exhaustion, my head throbbing with pain. Often, I would pull over to rest, ensuring our safe journey home.

Now, The Unimaginable Choice.

13 days later, after that initial call, Vanderbilt called again—they had a kidney for me! I couldn’t believe it. My daughter's wedding was only six days away, and now I had to choose: accept the life-saving organ I had waited so long for or attend my daughter's wedding.

A whirlwind of emotions surged through me. What should I do? The decision weighed on me like a ton of bricks. The clock was ticking, each heartbeat a drumbeat echoing the gravity of the moment. The organ was already at the transplant center, kept on ice.

I had just one hour to decide whether to head to the hospital or turn down the offer. Do I say no to a chance at freedom and a normal life to attend daughter's wedding? It was a tough choice.

I called my daughter to tell her. She was with her fiancé when she answered. I explained the situation. They were both so happy for me. With love and unwavering support, they told me to go for it.

"Don't let this opportunity pass you by," they said.

Her calm and immediate reassurance reflected the incredible woman she had become.

I spoke with my youngest daughter and other family members, and they all echoed the same advice.

"Get the transplant."

For them, the choice seemed clear. Yet, for me, it was anything but. The thought of missing my daughter’s wedding pained me deeply. At the same time, the prospect of a healthier life filled me with hope and gratitude.

I reconciled my decision by focusing on the many key life events I would be present for in the future. I felt a sense of clarity as the time ticked down. Never had I felt so much support from my family as I did at that moment.

I took an Uber alone to Vanderbilt. The drive to the hospital felt surreal—emotions swirling, thoughts racing. My mother and uncle met me at the hospital and stayed by my side through the pre-op testing and preparations. Their support meant the world to me.

I felt like a celebrity when one of the surgeons personally wheeled me into the OR for the urgent transplant. The chief of the department performed my surgery, and I couldn’t stop singing and humming "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" throughout the pre-op.

The surgery went well. My new kidney started producing urine on the surgical table—a sign of success. I hadn’t been able to urinate in four years. When I woke up in the recovery room, surrounded by angels (the nurses), I felt immediate relief. I had a new birthday: September 30, 2024.

I am eternally grateful to the donor and their family for this incredible gift of life. Their generosity will allow me to share countless more moments with my three children.

I was discharged from the hospital the day before my daughter’s wedding.

The Wedding Day!

I wore my purple gown, and ordered a salmon dinner, the same meal I would’ve had at the wedding. I watched my eldest daughter get married live on FaceTime with my other daughter, who stayed to support me after my transplant.

I’m deeply grateful for her help. It was bittersweet—heartbreaking not to be there in person, yet filled with gratitude for this second chance at life.

The wedding was everything she had dreamed of. The New England fall foliage was vibrant, the sun shone in a clear blue sky, and the warm 75-degree weather was perfect. She looked stunning in her vintage lace gown, holding her bouquet of wildflowers under a beautifully decorated arch.

Since the transplant, my health has transformed. I was at stage 5 kidney failure, on dialysis five days a week, unable to urinate or eat many of the tropical foods I loved. Now, I can drink freely, enjoy my favorite meals, and keep up with my son, and be there for both of my daughters. My energy has returned, and life feels brighter.

Looking back, I am confident I made the right choice. Though I missed my daughter’s wedding, I gained the ability to share in many future milestones. As autumn painted the world in vibrant hues, my daughter and I both embarked on new chapters. For me, it was freedom from dialysis and renewed hope. For her, it was the beginning of a beautiful journey with her husband.

It was a time of inexplicable grace.