How to Make a Pork Latte
Warning: This post contains nuts. If you are allergic to nuts, this post could trigger an unpleasant reaction.
A driver is waiting at the signal of an intersection to turn left. In front of her are three more cars. The light turns green but the cars in front stay put.
There is an oversized vehicle trying to slowly maneuver its way across. The driver starts honking relentlessly in a mad fit. Maybe she thinks that making noise is going to make the semi turn any faster. Honking continues.
That driver is a nut, one of many out there on our civillized roads. Occasionally they will challenge us to a duel. Are you going to stay calm and let the moment pass? Or, are you going to go nuts?
In India, there is a saying when kids do stupid unreasonable things but I am so stuffed that I can’t remember it now.
Everyone gets to make a choice before we do something crazy. Only some live to tell the tale.
When KFC introduced the Double Down burger in 2010, I remember seeing the ad on TV and saying, “that could be the death of me”.
So I never answered their call to find the nearest drive-thru and bite down on what was literally cheese, bacon strips, and mayo plopped in between two pieces of breaded crispy chicken. No buns. They still had the audacity to call it a sandwich.
The American fast-food craving public went nuts. People lined up in parking lots to try this gluttonous artery-clogging offering from their beloved Colonel.
Steven Colbert called it a “deep-fried insanity”.
The original frenzy ran its course and sold over 10 million of the “cholestrophic” creations. It made a short comeback in 2014, then again last March.
The Double Down is one of the most buzzworthy fast food menu items ever," said KFC U.S. chief marketing officer Nick Chavez in a press release. "After nearly a decade of people begging for its return, we're embracing the chaos, bringing back our most iconic sandwich ever for just four weeks.1
Even the creators at KFC know that the heart-stopping 950-calories atrocity, dubbed by some news outlets a cultural movement, should be released in spurts, almost like a controlled substance.
The fast food culture started with an American dream.
The rags-to-riches stories of the fast-food founders like Col. Sanders, who rode the early entrepreneurial waves in a post WWII America, paved the way for a culture that was born out of their American dreams.
Fast-food restaurants like McD’s and Wendy’s were some of the first to seize the opportunity to create a chain of quick bite restaurants along a vast network of interstate highways that connected suburban middle class families.
Author Adam Chandler who writes about the evolution of America’s fast food obsession in his book “Dive-Through Dreams” says that the good and bad of this cultural shift from the 70s through the 90s, is all uniquely American.
It’s a dangerous notion, this American dream, because of how the country has progressed. But if you just tell the story of these people’s lives, it harkens back to this notion of America as a place of immense opportunity for people who didn’t have a ton of education, who just really wanted to work hard and had an idea and made it happen. That’s a very American concept. And the story of fast food is also the story of how that dream gets corrupted over the years, when wages stagnate and corporate powers swoop in.2
This culture, born out of necessity and became the obsession we see today is poised to choke the hearts of the 21st century American, unless we fight back.
So here were are sipping on our $8 lattes, constantly spending for the upkeep of our social lifestyles. Even record high interest rates can’t seem to curb our addiction to consumerism.
But we have also become a more cautious bunch. We seem to be making healthier choices to combat some of our bad decisions. There is a glimmer of hope when surveys show a pull back on junk food spend, which in turn starts to put a dent on the sales and earnings of the gluttonous fast-food giants.
Starbucks announced a surprise drop in same-store sales for its latest quarter, sending its shares down 17% on Wednesday. Pizza Hut and KFC also reported shrinking same-store sales. And even stalwart McDonald’s said it has adopted a “street-fighting mentality” to compete for value-minded diners.3
This unexpected turn of events is causing fast-food marketing gurus to go back to the drawing board. They are racking their brains to come up with newer marketing tactics, more gimmicky ads, to offset this new trend. They can’t seem to fathom why their average consumer is making decisions using their brains instead of their bellies.
These corporate giants don't want a smarter pickier customer. They want the zombified version of us. And if you’ve ever wondered why the fast food commercials are the dumbest, that’s why.
But we are moving forward. We want healthier choices. We also want variety. So we are driving away from drive-throughs, and pulling up near small-business food trucks, or hanging out at the artisan cafes, ordering $8 lattes.
“One Golden Hour Latte with real honey, add a shot of single-origin organically-grown espresso, make it extra-hot, and server it in a hand-made ethically-sourced mug, Please!”
And this brings us to Pork Latte.
First, pull a double shot of espresso. Then, pump large spouts of DongPo pork4 sauce into a 12oz cup. Add the espresso and stir it well. Now, pour steamed milk into the concoction. Finally, garnish the drink with a drizzle of some more pork sauciness, before carefully placing a skewer of crispy thin slice of pork meat atop. Serve it with a smile.
When Starbucks introduced this “innovation” for about $10 on the Lunar New Year to their Chinese customers, needless to say it made headlines5 around the world.
The Chinese are known to have adventurous palates. The Pork Latte was Starbucks’ answer to shaking off a growing competition of Chinese local coffee chains trying to entice their customers away with creative drinks. It also showcases the lengths to which these fast-food monoliths will go to.
So, I wouldn’t be surprised if Pork Latte or some American version of it shows up on our menus here in small-town ‘Merica. It’s what they do, and all we can do is to try and resist the temptation.
Texas Brisket Latte, anyone?
Meanwhile, DYK… there is a socially-acceptable caffeinated drink that can actually bring people together. Listen to my episode about yerba-maté and how it is infused into Argentinian culture, streaming now on Spotify.
Starbucks and McDonald's are both facing pro-Palestine boycotts. I think that's why their sales are dropping rather than anything about food culture.
Fun read and I like the relevant intertwining of the national economic difficulties we're facing nationally. Along with the caution of "feeding" into dangerous trends. :)